Winding down

Though I love my daughter completely, I still need some time to myself at the end of the day to wind down.

I have gotten in the habit of turning off the generator, only light beyond the cell phone being a small flashlight turned toward the ceiling. Soft indirect light and my own thoughts.

I am beginning to get back to meditation. Slowly. Have to be careful. When I was younger I was known to enter a meditative state and remain there for days, responding to nothing outside myself. While I find that unlikely now, can't take a chance. Best if I set an alarm.

It is a problem for me that I think too much. Part of me finds that absurd while another part knows the necessity of giving my mind and emotions a rest. No great urge to accomplish this chemically. Though that release of control is an attractive idea at times. But it's too risky and carries too many physical consequences, even if the chemicals are legal ones.

I was thinking back over how I handled the garden last year and time frames. This year I've been fertilizing but avoiding any heavy use of Nitrogen. Looks like I'll have to drop that idea for now. Going to fertilize with diluted ammonia with vinegar tomorrow. Had good results with it last year. Problem this year is getting things to a size where they will eventually be able to produce. Once that happens, can back off to a lighter N mixture. Maybe one treatment is all I need. Can do a partial treatment and compare results. I have enough rows this year of duplicate crops to make it a valid test. Last year wasn't the case.

Back to bed.